Privacy Policy and Affiliate Disclosures, I own a game store with a terrible manager who I'm afraid to fire. I got asked out by a male repeat customer around my age who had always been polite, nonthreatening, was quite nice-looking, and very interesting to talk to. He was driving through the parking lot at work, waiting by my car, leaving things at the customer service counter for me like cards, flowers, etc.. it was extremely uncomfortable not just for me but for my coworkers who were forced to be nice to this creep.. and yes, hes certainly a creep. You catch feelings after you get to know her, not before. One night, I got all dressed up (hair in hot curlers and everything) and went to the drive thru to see him. I think if the OP really, really wants to follow up on this guy, the way to do it is by very gradually escalating and paying a lot of attention to his responses. Thats a lot different from walking into a store and asking someone whos rung you up at the cash register three or four times to go to dinner with you. When I worked retail, I got hit on a few times by male customers. Youre not leaping from someone making your latte to a dinner date, AND youre not forcing them to respond right away, you know, when theyre working. Im not sure about women. Put yourself somewhere that she might be out of work. Thats a great approach. Can you help me?" I met my husband in a bar; I met my previous boyfriend at our mutual workplace. Would it really be flattering if you got asked out at work? Build a relationship first, as one answer notes. with a side of awkward (sorry, I play for team rainbow, but good luck to you). If youve been hit on/propositioned once a shift for the past month, that one guy who is genuinely kind and interested in getting to know you is just going to be added to the SERIOUSLY! I definitely agree with all of the suggestions about keeping casual and low-key and, if he turns you down, continuing to interact with him as though nothing happened. But the guys who were polite and made a no pressure suggestion to grab coffee or see a movie sometime or whatever, were not doing anything wrong. One way to do this is by reminding yourself that you have a lot to offer and that there is no reason why the other person would not be interested in getting to know you better. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. I dont think most men handle being turned down poorly. Bustle -- until you get the message, and she's not gonna like it (see Tinkeringbell's answer for examples). There is a certain expectation put on the retail worker to always be polite, to be friendly, and to be helpful. I love that show, I wish they would bring it back. If you buy e.g. What would think if one of your employees asked out a customer? The Craigslist Missed Connectios where I live seem to have a lot of men who want to connect with the women who cut their hair, probably because its a longer encounter and there is more chit chat. And don't stand there making big puppy dog eyes and blubbering while you wait for her answer, just "see ya" and leave. By engaging the person in a discussion, you can explore their biases and try to clear up any possible misunderstandings. If the OP says smalltalk isn't a thing, I believe him, and it's another sign that flirting won't go over well. I came here to say exactly what fposte said. Part of having agency and being liberated is being able to say, Hell, no! So whats the best way to ask ehr out or get her number while shes working? If he calls, you know what to do. But you know what? So now that Ive rambled, I just hope the OP really considers this persons demeanor before putting him in a potentially awkward situation. There are those rare occasions where it works out and they get married and live happily ever after, and Im an absolute sucker for those stories of taking a chance and it working out wonderfully. A: Rejection can be tough, but its important to accept it gracefully. Don't think a girl is attracted to you because she's doing her job. Conversation will help break the ice and show your interest. I'll be wearing (something noticeable, such as a red hat, which hopefully you are sporting the day you visit the store). Because of that, it can be easy to mistakenly misinterpret them doing their job (being nice to you) as social/romantic interest. Only he didnt stop asking me out. If she perks up and looks interested, you can respond with something like. My advice would be to tentatively engage in a light cashier-related conversation, even if it's just a "Hello again" and a pleasant smile. OP here, thanks for sharing your sweet, funny story. He seemed interested until I got a text from him later saying he couldnt make it. It pays What the worst that could happen from politely and not creepily seeing what happens next from this real world connection? As the others have pointed out, you have got a bit of a captive audience and that needs to be respected. Important: you give your number and dont ask for his number, and you do it on paper so that you dont need to text to his number or handle his phone to input anything. factors in her favor: -she is a very nice, polite person who would definitely have apologized and avoided ever going to that coffee shop again if he seemed offended or creeped out Additionally, try bringing up topics that have nothing do with romance; discussing something lighthearted may make things less intense and create a more relaxed atmosphere between both of you which could ultimately lead towards a positive outcome! If you dont hear from him in a week oh well. Once you feel (please, do try to assess objectively) she's feeling somewhat comfortable, go in for a more direct hit. What do you think about customers asking you out? the expected level of anonymity and dehumanization :-) ) it is probably culturally accepted that if the person in front of you is engaging in conversation with the cashier, you politely wait. Ive been pondering this exact situation, in regards to the guy at the corner store I go to. Its hella awkward for them and unlikely that the connection youre feeling is real. We ended up going separate ways in life, but he was a total gentleman and excellent +1 while it did last, and I still hold him in high regard years later. The customer could respond in a perfectly reasonable manner after being turned down, but the employee will still be extremely nervous about the exchange. The Im having a party, stop by if youd like does seem like a good possible compromiseI think its because thats phrasing the request in such a way that the burden isnt on the employee to say no. Clearly your girlfriend didnt know you were doing it. Citation please Im genuinely interested in this, Studies have actually found that men are just as capable as women at understanding nonverbal communication/soft nos. This will show the cashier that you are serious about your intentions of asking them out. I was thinking the same thing. I only said yes once, mostly because he was polite, unassuming, and I did not feel harassed for a change. Having worked retail as a female, being asked out is one of the most annoying things that can happen to a person, it can go as far as making her feel unsafe. If the cashier is interested in going out, its best to take things slow and get to know each other better before making any big decisions. WebHow To Ask A Cashier Out? The OP only seemed receptive to posts encouraging her to do it though. Disclaimer: I have never worked in retail, so Ive never had this experience. Am I the only one remembering Taylor the Latte Boy and Lisa the Stalker Chick songs? I got hit on more in 6 or 8 months there than I have in the rest of my life put together. should I even consider interviewing somewhere else if Im happy with my job. But I think there are easier first dates. Additionally, it can be helpful to practice what you want to say beforehand. As an anecdote, we recently had an emergency drill that involved several different departments at my place of employment. I've just met a guy, he may be the one! Its a numbers thing. I wouldnt necessarily invite someone Id met in this compartmentalized way to my home. Responding to that with flip remarks about how will the species survive or how its always been this way or how people who object really need to deal, frankly, comes across as wildly and deliberately obtuse which, again, is very out of character for you. And its fine to say Cool, could I bring my friend Xanthippe? and then do so, check the address and person out beforehand, and bail at any time. I agree with Alison: its not no no no never never never but one must be exquisitely aware of the context, which means an almost never thing. Staying polite and positive even if you get rejected will make her more comfortable rather than being sad or disappointed when interacting with her in the future. I think it can be ok if you do it very carefully. I suspect answers can be highly different depending on the cultural context. Can't be whimsical if you're worried about life or food or shelter or someone who seems a threat. Youre the second person to mention Facebook. 2. Instead, in these situations, I've found something that works much better for both of you. If you get declined, however rudely, don't go complaining. We talk every day and meet a few times a week. Your lindy hop can lead to a special moment for both of you, making the experience more memorable. And this is an obvious double standard but I think its less of a big deal because the manager in question is male. But at least you put the ball in her court but have not placed any demands. A: Lindy Hop is a dance style that originated in Harlem during the 1920s and 1930s. And a friend of Ilenes another pediatrician really liked the farmer who sold his sweet corn at the farmers market. Secretarial positions suck for this, too for what Im sure are the same reasons. .. ask her name first. and our -signed, every woman who has ever been accused of leading a man on for smiling at him, listening to him, or not appearing immediately repulsed by him. I am 21 years old and living in a large city in Germany where smalltalk in local markets is not a common thing. _ism_ OP here, I know where youre coming from. This is extra worse when youre a captive audience who cant get away from them at work, and its why a lot of us would recommend not asking at all or proceeding with extreme caution. In an ideal world, a polite request for a date wouldnt be totally inappropriate. That's a pretty good indication something's happening. Most? People should use common sense caution. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. You can't pressure a woman into being attracted to you. I was actually a little traumatized by Alisons advice (although I do really appreciate that she replied and has provided a forum for others to respond) and the first couple of comments (this was much earlier today-I was shocked to see all of the responses that are here now and have just started going through them), so I stopped by a female friends shop today to ask her advice. No! but its great that you remained friendly. Making statements based on opinion; back them up with references or personal experience. She could always change her answer or answer in a positive way to give you more information. Aaron/Erins unite! Look, retail employees get hit on day in and day out. OP: I think most people can tell when there is some genuine interest going on. Thats the point for the worker, its a business interaction. Another option you may consider is going through her manager. How to ask a female cashier out - Quora Note I had never been to that shop before. I dont know; its easy enough to say, Im sorry, I have a policy of not dating coworkers/customers. If your work doesnt allow it, thats an even easier out. Maybe thats what our OP should do. I think he was banned from campus finally because I never saw him again. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck. For me, once was an uncomfortable first date, once was a few dates, no more, once was an amazing relationship and one turned into a stalker. It will only make your WebBe well dressed. They get stared at & aggressively flirted with on a regular basis. You can only do this is you wont be crushed by rejection and you wont be weird the next time you go to the store. Then she returned change in copper coins, one at a time, staring me in the eye. To clarify, I was talking about adult students, but still. That context is something that men need to be aware of when deciding its ok to flirt with a woman in a particular situation-which I think is what you were getting at. Special issue: when one is working, one has to do ones job or get fired. So it didnt seem as creepy as when patrons would say you have a really beautiful smile. Which I do, but dont want to hear from a stranger. Privacy Policy. The cashier probably wouldnt know how to find him if he just stopped showing up. Theres also no way to guarantee itll go smoothly (he could say no, or you could go out and it could be disastrous), so if thats going to keep you from shopping there, youve got to decide which you want more: the possibility of a date with him or the certainty that you can continue comfortably going to that store. I worked for years in retail when I was younger and fended off unwanted requests for dates successfully and without any kind of emotional scarring.). I've seen her fairly often just a matter of time. I am quite new to relationships, but the signs she gave me are promising. Ive seen you in here a lot and you seem like the type of person I would like to get to know in real life. Cookie Notice Im hoping, for the employees sake, it didnt. Asking a cashier out is not always an easy prospect. I have to admit I had NO idea that this was a *thing* with retail employees. I think OP should probably take advice from local friends and ask what's expected there. We were having a polite conversation about video games, he left the store, and then came back from his car to give me his number in case we wanted to continue the conversation. young and youngish women in customer-service jobs are frequently dealing with a more-0r-less daily barrage of men who interpret smiled at me and was polite as wants me . Remember that she has to be somewhat friendly with you, don't force her to behave friendly against her will with someone she sees as a creep. I think the best thing to do is go in right before close and mention something like Ive been craving cheese fries from place super nearby I was going to go with my friend but they bailed. # About My female friend just started dating a waiter we met while out to eat. That was 8 years ago. She thought they got along OK and that he seemed interested, but he never asked her out. If she says "no", just say "no problem, thanks". A simple compliment or two can go a long way in making a good impression on someone; let them know what drew you towards them in the first place! If she is interested in you and has time, she will probably arrange to come to the event some time and you will see her there. Try to give them lots of room to reject your offer without feeling pressured to say yes. While giving your note you could say: [while receiving your change] "Thanksand oh this is for you You can read it later! One thing you could do, since you go often to that store, is: start building a basic "relationship" with the cashier. Since it's about whimsy, the goal here isn't "yes" - the goal here is "why not?". I've talked to a cashier girl at the grocery store a few times and she has been somewhat flirty a couple times. At some point we realized that we needed to meet outside the store to really talk, which we then did. Though after doing some work in an environment where the employees were supposed to be *extremely* friendly I realized you have to adjust your signals to the environment or it gets real awkward. And don't stand somewhere waiting for her to take her smoke break, only do this if you naturally happen to pass by her having one. If she's completely unresponsive stop immediately. Frankly, lots of social interactions make me feel a little weird or uncomfortable, but theyre totally normal and acceptable interactions nonetheless, and I dont think my discomfort always reflects negatively on the people doing the initiating. Need help with your relationship? I hated that aspect. I need her back. I'm aware that Germans are renowned for being very direct people, though, so it could be the right move to do after all. Enough folks in customer-service positions have testified on that thread that they get unwanted solicitations so often that even if you are the nice person who means really well, you might still be a REALLY annoying straw on that camels back. It may not be inflicting major pain, but its still annoying and uncomfortable to have to deal with that at work, especially if youre in a position where you cant walk away after the encounter. What differentiates living as mere roommates from living in a marriage-like relationship? The problem is that all the good intent in the world doesnt really change how the service person being put on the spot is going to react. This is why I always do coffee or something comparably simple/safe (so not dinner, movies, etc.) - This subreddit is **gender neutral**. Don't make it awkward. And as long as you are willing to hear them say no (and you are not a crazy person) then there is not a lot to lose. Thanks very much for your thoughtful comment. And I am interested in this person is not exactly placing the Objective Viewpoint Ray on high beams in illuminating whether the nice person at the store is, in fact, genuinely interested. Test more. Can you help me? If you do this one or two times, you should get an idea of how she reacts. Here's my number'. I know I can just walk up to her and be like "you're cute, wanna go out?" Its possible that he is burning with desire for you but would get in serious trouble if he asked you out on a date. Re 2, though, if you dont know them, surely it is ONLY sexual? But see how youve mentally filed this under social interactions? You can deduce from both verbal and nonverbal cues what her feelings towards you are, whether she's friendly because of her professionalism or because she actually wants to be your friend. Short story about swapping bodies as a job; the person who hires the main character misuses his body. I have to say, I feel bad for the pressure being put on men for the whole asking someone out thing because that was the first and ONLY time I have ever asked a guy out and I got rejected. If you know Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. In my opinion, her attitude towards the dynamic of the relationship between you is critical to understanding the best way to proceed. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. It has majorly given way to the You brought me my omelet and now were SOULMATES crowd, orat least in my citypeople not-so-discreetly trying to find prostitutes they used to, uh, frequent (that came out awful, but I dont know how else to put it). When asking out a cashier, it is important to always put yourself in their shoes and be respectful of their feelings. Im not saying that women never have trouble, because of course they do, but every one of the incidents that the men described were situations where all of the women who were in the conversation were basically what the hell were you thinking going somewhere alone with a stranger/letting a stranger get that physically close to you?. Granted, yes I loved talking about video games. They dont look for or even care if they get a non-verbal clue she is interested. The only reason Im torn at all is because Ive also heard the stories of people meeting their husbands/wives through these connections. And the safest answer is still Dont do it.. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Unless hes specifically told you about these things, you dont know whats going on in the background for him, and what it might raise. If I helped, Im glad! however, my friend (who works in retail) asked out a barista who she had a crush on. This guys comfort level has been a huge concern of mine. But he wasnt asking her out. Also regarding not having much time because there's a lineup. No outside videos or links - mods dont have to verify if it follows the rules. I dont think its a horrendous crime to ask someone out, I just remember wishing (as a former waitress) that people would just let me bring them their food instead of assuming were friends now because weve been interacting for 8 minutes in my place of work. Shes always at the checkout and never doing stuff like sorting products or cleaning the floor where I could actually ask her out. Haha well I plan on it next time I see her working, but idk her work schedule thats the only thing stopping me.

How To Apply Ospho To Pipe Fence, Land Time Brain Teaser Answer, Articles H